Blind marriage

 Many young girls in the society are forced into arranged marriages purely for the financial gain of their parents. Finding a proper husband for their daughters become sought after business transactions - disregarding the unrealistic physical, psychological and social demands they have sold their children into.

" My mother sold me to a self-absorbed alcoholic for a diamond when I was only 16", said Hala, a 42-year-old widow. "She traveled the world with the profit she made from me."

Even though Islam constitutes parents to choose spouses for their children so that they ‘may dwell in tranquility and share affection and mercy , it sometimes happen that parents sidestep the intended goodness of this teaching to satisfy their own greed.

"He never made me feel like a woman and when he was around, treated me like garbage,” Hala said of her husband, who chased other women.

Hala was left pregnant and divorced within two months of getting married. Her life since has been complicated and unhappy.

Research from the Organization for Sympathy of Women Around the World (OSWAW) found that teenage brides are not mentally, physically or emotionally equipped to deal with married life.

Most of these girls experience sexual intimacy as rape, OSWAW said. Due to their under-developed bodies, they experience complications during and after pregnancy. Their babies often develop too slow and could result in miscarriage. The mothers’ lives are also threatened because physically they are not ready for giving birth.

On a social level, teen brides have problems adapting to their new environment and life in general.

According to OSWAW, they mostly lack self-confidence, have minimal education, little independence and minimal or no experience of life and work. This makes them susceptible to abuse and the possibility of being divorced and separated from their children within 15 years.

Ghada, now 22 years old, was married at the age of 14. She was frequently abused by her jealous 60-year-old husband after he had been drinking. “I went to the hospital many times because of this,” Ghada said. “The doctors knew what was happening but didn’t do anything.” After eight years, she is divorced and destitute.

“When my ex-husband died, his family took custody of my son,” she said. “I had to request the court for permission to see him. He is still living with them.”
   
Cases like these are rare in the west, where arranged marriages are unacceptable. In these cultures, people believe no one has the right to force women into marrying someone whom she is unable to share her dreams and love.

In Muslim society, people are becoming aware of the problems created by unfavorable arranged marriages.

When choosing husbands for their daughters, parents should consider age, their physical and psychological, and social well-being. The responsible task of choosing a spouse for a young man or woman is the duty of parents, who should apply the Islamic way. Children should also be informed about the marriage etiquette.

“The sexual relationship between married people is a holy one,” according to Al Sheik Ibrahim Al-Khaleel, in an article for Madynty newspaper. “Mercy and love should be for each other. Both husband and wife should be fulfilled.”

He said that if the needs of women are not satisfied through marriage, she can consult a judge, who will provide her with possible solutions.

“I will never make any of my daughters marry a man that is not good for her,” said Al Sheik Hamza, a 75-year-old father of four daughters.

“I'll marry her to someone who honors and respects her and tries his best to make her happy.”

Hamza advises other parents to choose a spouse for their daughter only when she is ready to understand what it really means to get married. “Only then can she carry such a big responsibility,” he said.

Women, who are married only for men's enjoyment, suffer many hardships. Upon divorce, chances of finding a life partner and having a happy life are slim. Unless she can support herself financially and survive alone, she will at best be the second wife to someone who is already married and has children.